Don't mess with the Queen!

 I came across this sign at Hobby Lobby:  

 

And I thought it was funny so I snapped a picture of it on my phone and sent it to my hubby. He responded with a smart remark something like, "That's because the king always has veto power".  Ha! Anyway, this whole thing started because of a video we watched recently.  I wanted to post it on my blog, but I can't figure out a way to link directly to it. It's really funny, and while the "Queen of the house" impression may not sit well at first, there's some valuable truth tucked in there as well. Just click on this link, and then double-click on the video called: The Princess and the Queen NOTE:  Don't click on the text, double-click on the image above the text, and then the video should pop up on your screen...

Technology is humbling

So, I've been in the process of learning my new phone.  Over the last couple weeks, I've learned that my smart phone can make me look really foolish.  I don't even want to know how many things I've accidentally "liked" in my Facebook newsfeed just from scrolling on the touch screen. I don't feel that old.  But then again, when I was in college, I don't ever remember feeling intimidated by electronic gadgets.  I always kinda felt like I knew intuitively how to operate them.  I didn't need to sit down to read the manual or take a week to figure out how to edit an event in my calendar... I have to sheepishly admit that before this week, I never knew it was possible to send a text message to someone's landline.  I learned that unexpectedly this week when I did it by mistake.  And of course, if there was one person in my contact list who I would have preferred to maintain some dignity with, it would be that person.   So, I got a call one morning this week from this lady that I host a Homeschool Mom's meeting with each month telling me that there was a very strange message on their landline that appeared to be from me.  Well, it wouldn't be beyond me to send "strange" text messages.  Some of the text messages that my husband and I exchange would appear very strange indeed if sent to the wrong person.  So, immediately, I get all hot inside and think--"What on earth did I send to Eileen??"  I think I incriminated myself more as I squirmed to figure out what my mistake was.  Thankfully, Eileen seemed pleasantly amused.  Eventually, I figured out that it was a legitimate message that I intended to send to her cell phone.  But the crazy thing was that, apparently, my mobile provider inserts an evil laugh anywhere there is a smiley face in the text message.   (Yeah, my cell provider is a little demented, but they're cheap...)  

So, if you ever get a text-to-landline message from me with an evil laugh at the end, it's no mistake.  :-) <insert evil laugh here> This makes me think back to about 3 years ago, I suppose, when I very first started using facebook.  My nieces and nephews had been using it a lot, and I mostly just got a Facebook to keep in touch with them, and a few odd friends and family. I wish I had written down all of the crazy ways that I utterly humiliated myself figuring out facebook...  Like once when I took one of those friend quizzes, and I didn't know you could skip a question if you didn't want to answer it...and I found out later that they posted the answers you gave on the person's wall!   I remember Mike was pretty skeptical when I first got a facebook.  He would check my profile to make sure I wasn't posting too much stuff on there because he thought it was "undignified" for a homeschool married lady to hang out on facebook all day.  Not wanting to embarrass my husband, I tried to be careful.  But even my dignified hubby couldn't help but lurk on my facebook, and he eventually got one of his own.  I guess I'm always the one who has to get the embarrassing bugs out of the process first so he can come along and try new things with dignity. Come to think of it, he got a blog shortly after I did, and I'm betting he'll have a smart phone before long, too.  But I'm pretty sure he won't make as many ridiculous mistakes as I have.  

Innocence...

 I love the sweet things Beth says in her innocence... I just want to bottle them up because I know--all too soon--she's gonna grow up and I won't want to forget.  For our first anniversary, my dear sister gave my husband a pair of black satin boxer shorts with shiny red lips all over them.  We still have them--although they've faded a lot over the years.  

 Tonight, Daddy was in the closet hunting for his favorite pair of basketball shorts. Beth grabs these and says, "Daddy...you should wear these to basketball!" Yes, she was kidding...obviously.  She's innocent--not unintelligent. But shortly after I left, I heard her ask Daddy something about Mommy kissing him all over his shorts. Oh my! I just had to giggle because someday...she's not gonna want to remember those shorts...

My Husband's Obituary

 Well, it's a good thing I posted "pretty pictures" of our yard a couple weeks ago... 'cause it sure isn't pretty anymore.  A few days of thawing have revealed muddy grass, a rotten pumpkin, and a winter's worth of soggy bird seed and doggie duty. Nuff said. Thankfully, my wonderful husband took the afternoon off work to improve the yard situation before company arrives for the weekend. What does that have to do with his obituary you might ask? Let's hope nothing... But awhile back we had this little conversation about obituaries...and the fact that Mike is irritated that they rarely ever say how the person died.  Certainly there are exceptions, but he feels that most often there is a tactful way to say how a person died, and he said that when he dies, he wants his cause of death to be stated in his obituary.  I assume if I go first, my cause of death will also be stated in mine...   Man I hope I die gracefully.   Anyway... So, today I get a note from Mike at work, and it says that he'd leave work around 12:30, have his car washed, after which he would "succumb to poop duty..." Nice. I e-mailed him back and asked him if he would want that stated in his obituary, and he said he would appreciate it.  :-) Poor guy.  He's now working on repairing the stupid plastic gears in our garage door opener.  What a way to spend vacation!   Thanks, Hubby...  I must affectionately say that I hope that I never live to write your obituary.  ;-)

Chewing gum is hazardous to your health...

Okay.  I must insert a CRUDE WARNING here.   The following material is raw and genuine, and if you are sensitive to descriptive language about bodily functions, you can stop reading HERE.   For the rest of you, here is a funny story...  I laughed so hard, I just couldn't resist writing this down in my blog because it's worth remembering:  

So, our dear daughter enjoys chewing gum.  And she would probably chew gum every waking minute if I would let her.  We hadn't had gum in a couple months or so...and yesterday I bought a pack at Wal-Mart.  Since then, the moment we get in the van we hear, "Mom, can I have some gum?".  I'm not exaggerating.  So, tonight, I said, "No honey, I just don't think that's necessary.  You've had gum already today, and we're about to eat supper.  Besides, gum is fine in moderation, but people who chew gum excessively can actually poop out their pancreas."  Silence.  Then, Mike starts to giggle, and I realize what I've just said.  We all start to die laughing as we envision some kid in the bathroom passing an internal organ from excessive gum chewing.  ;-) 

So, in case you didn't know, gum is pretty dangerous stuff! 

And in case you're wondering, no, I'm not crazy.  The neurological connections between the jaw and the pancreas are such that the act of "chewing" stimulates the production of digestive enzymes.  In the short-term, this can be beneficial in some instances, but for someone who chews gum continually, they can actually, "poop out" (or exhaust) their pancreas by producing wasted enzymes.  So, if you have a child asking continuously for gum, try telling them they'll poop out their pancreas and see what kind of a response you get!  ;-)