In His presence is fullness of joy

Wow, another week has passed since I've blogged--or even looked at my blog, I think... Time is going by so crazy fast around here. Days have been coming and going and my time and my heart have been full. I think I'm going to have to get the hang of scheduling my blogs because it seems like I only ever have time to blog on the weekends, and then I'll put out a cluster of posts and not look at my page again until another week has passed us by.  But I'll have to get caught up before I do that because if I'm already a week behind, and then I schedule my blogs for the following week, it's going to be old news by the time it gets posted.  I'll get the hang of this eventually. I've still been plugging my way through "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  Not to sound like a broken record, but if you haven't gotten your copy yet, go for it.  It really is full of life-changing truth.  So much so, that I find myself working my way through it slowly.  I hear so many people saying they couldn't put it down and they devoured it in a day...and I think that's great.  Somehow, where I am in my life right now, my heart isn't ready to embrace gratitude every day.  It really has been a journey for me.  It's something that I want.  But I also find myself very much wanting control...and I can't have it.   In Ann's book, she says:  "Why do I lunge for control instead of joy?"  I've read that sentence so many times.  Isn't that what we do?  With fists clenched tight and knuckles white, we hold on...as if our feeble attempts at holding on made a difference somehow...  Why is that our natural reaction?  When we claim to believe in a good God who is always in control, why do we instinctively try to force our will instead of looking for Him in our circumstances?   So, this is a life lesson that I desperately want to learn.  Some days are better than others as I continue to try to be thankful in the little things. Yesterday was a hard day.  It seemed to drag on forever.  After a couple restless nights this week, I was beat, and by the time our Bible study rolled around I felt completely spent.  Usually, it only takes a short time before I'm so caught up in company that I forget I'm tired, but that wasn't the case last night.  I was one of those nights when I was thankful to have people in my home, and glad they were having a good time, but I really did want to tuck away alone, and that feeling didn't go away.  I found myself thinking, "I will be so thankful when I can cuddle up next to my hubby in our warm bed."  This morning, when I was getting ready for the day, I thought back to last night and I was so disappointed.  I realized that by the time we finally got to bed last night, it was nearly 1am, and I guess I just crashed.  I had forgotten to be thankful...and I was so disappointed that I had forgotten to take the time to thank the Lord for the much needed rest that I had looked forward to all day yesterday. So, this is good to see that at least my heart is really wanting to see God's goodness and be thankful. It's so important to be thankful.  I'm convinced that when it comes to gratitude, there really is no middle ground.  If you're not thankful, you will eventually become unthankful, and then bitter, and if you go too far down that road, I really think you will grow blind to the many good things that God gives. Well, I'll leave you with another quote from the book:  "If I am rejecting the joy that is hidden somewhere deep in this moment--am I not ultimately rejecting God? . . .  In His presence is fullness of joy."