A new week...an empty heart filled with grace.

This weekend was one that I was more than happy to leave behind...

Speaking of new beginnings, I was more than ready to start a new week...

The last few weeks have been busy, and I was starting to feel pretty homesick.

I was weary.  This morning, in the shower, I explained to God that I was tired.  And empty.  And I needed a break.  I figured He'd understand.

I was ready to do some homemaking...

...and some homeschooling.

I like my home.  And I like my little family.

I explained to God that I needed some time to hold onto the blessings in my life for awhile, and that I was going to put away the trials for today.  Maybe for a few days.  After all, I didn't ask for the trials in my life, and you don't have to choose the hard path every day.  Right?  So, I had every intention of cancelling my weekly prayer meeting and closing my doors to the troubles of the world.  For today.  It seemed like a reasonable request.

So, after my shower, I decided to hide away for a few minutes in my room.  My eyes glanced at the neglected book on my nightstand.  I turned away at first.  But then I felt a twinge of conviction in my heart, and I whispered, "No, Lord, I'm not running away.  I need a break from life.  But I don't need a break from You".  So, I picked up the book.  I didn't remember where I had left off...

I open the book.  The title of the chapter is,

"Empty to Fill".

The chapter begins with a quote:

Sigh. 

Did I just read that?

I read it again...  "Here is my poor heart, an empty vessel; fill it with your grace."

I read on...

"[Gratitude] opens the eyes, the heart, to the grace that falls upon us, a drop, a river, a waterfall of blessing filling our emptiness

. . . 

If I close these fingers...try to hoard the river--dam up the grace--won't the water grow stagnant? 

. . . 

I turn my hand over, spread my fingers open.  I receive grace.  And through me, grace could flow on." 

(-Ann Voskamp: One Thousand Gifts)

Sigh.  So, I guess He said "no".

Maybe He knew that there was no such thing as sitting out just one day.

Maybe He knew that if I hoarded the comforts of this day that I wouldn't be able to let go tomorrow...

The telephone rings.

 It's my husband.

My husband never calls me from work...

An e-mail or an occasional text message.  But not a phone call.

"How's your day today?"

"Okay..."  (choking up)

"Did something bad happen?"

"No, not really".  (tears begin to flow freely)

I pour out on him the whole story of how I was tired and empty and I told God that I needed a break for awhile and I opened the book and the Lord spoke to me. 

And then I said, "I guess He's not gonna give me a break, huh?"

And my hubby says, "No, but He'll give you the grace."

When I try to run to a quiet corner and hide, He finds me there and His voice reaches me through the words of a book...through a rare and random call from my husband...

This is my God.  He never offered a life free from pain or insult or rejection...  He never said life would be easy or that it's okay to walk away from the battle--even for a day.  But He offers grace.  He meets us in the place of pain and emptiness and He fills us with grace.  Abundant grace.  And then we get to be vessels of that grace and let it flow freely through us to others. 

If we never experienced the emptiness, we'd never feel the fullness of His grace.

Gratitude Journal...

It's 40% off "coupon week" at Hobby Lobby.

For us, this means that--if we're in Rochester--we will often stop by and browse around.  I'm a mother of one little girl...and what can I say?  It's one of our favorite mother-daughter activities.  Sometimes I'll pick up a magazine...  Sometimes a chain for beading...  Sometimes some craft supplies...

I was hoping to find a gratitude journal.

But it had to be special...

I figured I'd know it when I saw it.

I rummaged through the pile of journals.

There were several that were fine, but none that called out to me...

until I saw this one:

 

Mmm hmm...I would say this was meant to be my gratitude journal.  (With the coupon, I paid just under $2! I almost felt guilty using a coupon...) Thank you, Lord...

I went home and promptly copied the quote from Ann Voskamp's book onto the front page--the one about how "I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks . . ."  You can read the rest at this post if you want.

So . . . if the goal is to write down 1000 gifts . . .  Where do I begin?  I mean, I could just start looking around the room and begin to fill the pages of this book, but that wouldn't be meaningful.

So, through the course of the day, when something just jumps out to me as a gift from the Lord, I write it down.  It may be something significant, or very small, but it was something that filled my heart with warmth and thankfulness for that moment.

And so begins my journey to 1000 gifts! I really like the idea of writing down just a few words to remember those special moments in the day. For example, today, Elizabeth and I were doing school.  We sit across from one another at a narrow black table.  As you can imagine, home schooling can sometimes bring tension into the mother-daughter relationship.  This morning, after reading our devotions together, we both leaned in nose-to-nose across the table, and she gave me the most precious little "nose kiss".  I put both of my hands on her sweet little face, closed my eyes, just held her close, and drank-up the moment because I knew it was a gift. 10. Spontaneous nose kiss during school God is so good.

Looking for jewels...

 

 I haven't been updating my blog as much as I would like... and that's partially due to the fact that I recently started a private blog as a spiritual journal. There's been a lot going on in my heart, but a lot of it isn't the kind of stuff that I would post on a public blog... Not because it's scandalous or even that intensely personal... But honestly, a lot of things in my life look an awful lot like ashes right now. A blog should be genuine... But I want my blog to be filled with words of praise and gratitude. Not ashes. But one thing that I've learned is that some of the most beautiful things in my life have risen up out of the ashes.  Mmm hmm...that's where the blog's name came from--you're catching on!  Because...there are almost always jewels in the ashes if you are looking for them.  But you have to look for them.  Sometimes, you have to dig for them.  But they're there just the same, and when your heart wells up with praise to the Lord for the smallest jewel in the midst of the ashes, that is beautiful... . . .  If you read this post, you remember that I've been reading a book called, "One Thousand Gifts"  The Lord has used this book to remind me to be looking for all of the little blessings in my life from day to day...  All of the abundant blessings that are so far beyond anything I could ever deserve... to get my mind off of the ashes... I want my lips to praise the Lord continually. I don't know about you, but I used to sometimes feel a twinge of guilt when I praised the Lord for certain comforts in life.  It seemed somehow shallow or selfish to praise the Lord for peace or safety when everyone knows that true character rejoices in tribulation.  Am I a shallow Christian if my heart spills over with gratitude over trivial things? Early on in the book, Ann Voskamp addresses this question when her heart welled up with thanks while preparing a simple homemade pizza for her family: "I think how God-glory in a cheese ring might seem trifling.  Even offensive, to focus the lens of a heart on the minute, in a world mangled and maimed and desperately empty.  I know there is poor and hideous suffering, and I've seen the hungry and the guns that go to war.  I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for early light dappled through leaves and the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July...and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives." I found comfort in her words, and I felt challenged to begin my own journey of counting "one thousand gifts" (you'll understand this better if you read the book). So, I intend to keep a gratitude journal of life's blessings--both big and small--from day to day. Because God is good.  Why not list thousands (upon thousands) of reasons why I should praise Him? Mmm...and another quote from Ann...  Remembering why we praise God. "God is not in need of magnifying by us so small, but the reverse.  It's our lives that are little and we have falsely inflated self...  In thanks we decrease and the world returns right." Somewhere along the line, humankind got the idea that we deserve something more than ashes...when in reality an eternity of ashes would be perfectly suited to what we deserve.  When we get a right perspective on who we are, and a right perspective on who God is, we can truly praise Him in any circumstances.  It is then that we can find the beauty in the ashes... When it's appropriate, I may post random tidbits from my gratitude journal on my blog.  I'd love to hear yours as well. And if your life looks like ashes right now... Join me.  Let's start looking for jewels.  :-)